The things people will steal
by Lindsay Adele Buffington

The shelf is eye-level and filled with tasty treats. All of which are wrapped in bright colors and shiny foil. Your mother is arguing with the cashier, and since you are small you are easily ignored. With a flash the shiny, sumptuous candy is nestled safely in your pocket. You exit the store grinning all the way home. Once inside, you carefully pull the slightly melted candy bar from the security of your pocket only to be caught at the exact instant you begin to tear the wrapper. You are then hauled back, squishy candy bar in tow, to the grocery store. Where you are made to apologize for your crime with a tear stained face and an empty stomach.

Everyone has stolen something at one point in time. Even if it was when you were five and the token you took was small. Or perhaps you’ve swiped something unconsciously. Pens, pencils, office supplies of all types are likely to be commandeered without thinking. How many times have you borrowed a pen, from some unsuspecting person, only to have it show up in your pocket or purse two days later?

People steal the oddest things. From paper coasters, at restaurants and bars, to glue sticks and staplers from their work places. Hotel toiletries are some of the most commonly pilfered items. They are travel size, and conveniently fit in any type of suitcase or duffel bag. The reasoning behind this tradition of theft among travelers is yet to be determined. Sure, they probably have an abundance of towels and soap at home. However, not even Martha Stewart’s line of home bath accessories can beat the generic, over-bleached, too clean smell of the single serving hotel products. Quality and easy accessibility are not often the lure of the five finger discount but rather the thrill and challenge of getting away with some deviant act.

Take bowling shoes for example. They are not the most attractive accessories to one’s wardrobe but definitely the smelliest. Bowling shoes get passed around more than a beer bong at a frat house kegger. And are filled with foot germs of the largest and sweatiest. Yet, they are still a hot commodity for those seeking the thrill of theft. And they are one of the easiest things to steal. You saunter up to the counter, rent the size you like, put on the shoes, and bowl a few frames. When you are done, simply walk out of the bowling alley with the bowling shoes still on. Simple.

Other easy swipes are ashtrays and lighters, and yes, salt and pepper shakers. They sit upon the top of a table begging to be taken. Cold and lonely, fragile little glass shakers that are usually so much cooler than the plastic ones currently occupying your kitchen counter.

Theft. You have probably done it. Whether it was conscious or not. An act of compulsion, or absent-mindedness. A way to add to an odd collection of almost useless, though sentimental items. Or maybe just for the fun of it. To get that ever so slight adrenaline high that comes with swiping everyday objects with almost no real notable value. To each their own, from the great Coaster Caper to the Bowling Shoe Swiper, they are absolutely unique.